"Stop thinking... Just stop!"
It happened again today. Like it always does. This is how it's meant to be... I'm sure of it. Why else would it keep happening? Besides, I really am so very good at it. You could say I'm an expert. I just love being a slave to my mind. My over thinking, lunatic mind. No matter how much I scream "shut up", it won't stop. It will never stop. It won't be quiet. It won't let me rest. I will forever be in this constant battle to regain the calm. To feel the great sweet release of epiphany. Of feeling like "It's OK now... it's just OK". It's my destiny to be a bag of nervous energy for ever more...
The day just started horribly. I was so tired. People shouldn't be subjected to work when they feel this way. Oh cabbage, how I loathe thee for this torment. Then I got to work and my inbox was a mess. An absolute mess. I can't stand the mess. The emails are like fragments of thoughts, and I oh so need the thoughts to be organised. I need everything to be categorized in my brain. So I set about the task of making things right. It was going well until everyone started coming in at 9am. Then my day got even worse.
Friday. Let's all talk about Friday. Oh wait... I wasn't there on Friday!!! I don't want to sound bitter, but then again I am. I really really enjoyed my day on Friday. But why did that day have to coincide with... THAT day. Now I'm feeling left out... Insignificant. I probably am... insignificant I mean. I hate myself so much, so how could anyone else like me? Shut up.
Just when I thought it couldn't get worse... I'm totally irritated by this point... She sends me a message. Oh great. Brilliant. There you go again making me want to talk to you. I'll just stop focusing on my work again. And then I'll get annoyed when you don't reply for ages. Yes, you were too busy. I should be busy too. Why am I even so bothered about talking to you? Or giving you chocolate. God I annoy myself so much sometimes. Why am I so eager to be such good special friends with you? Or anyone else for that matter. It's so much easier to just be alone. Then I don't need to have this noise in my head. It just keeps getting louder and louder and louder.
I don't know why I stopped blogging. This was very therapeutic!
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